Reflecting on this past year brings me a sense of both satisfaction and unease. I am satisfied with things that I have accomplished and things that my family has accomplished, and also I am starting to feel a familiar flutter of panic at all of the things that lie ahead. All of things that I have left undone, only to try to "wrap up" in the coming year. I guess I have always been like this. Never truly able to sit and appreciate what has been once a struggle and a challenge and a problem keeping me up at night, to now being ordinary and "perfect."
A resolution of mine is to realize how perfect everything is. There is good in everything. There is purpose in all of it. There is laughter. There is love.
For today, I am choosing to be satisfied with it all. It won't be easy. I will only try to allow positive thoughts to enter my head and I will strive to be truly present with my family for the entire day. We are heading into the city to go ice skating and then coming home to watch the ball drop. There will be struggles. Kids will be crabby and hungry and not able to stand up on the ice and my back will break. It will probably be crowded and we will have to wait in line and we will spend too much money. I will be tested and have to bite my tongue more than once, I am sure. I will also laugh a lot today.
And, I am so grateful that I have my family with me to do this. They crack me up. They amaze me. They complete me and make me feel whole. For this, I am pretty fortunate. There is no measure of money that can compare to this amount of satisfaction. So, here we go.... time to tilt my head back.
Happy New Year!