Today I woke up to snow falling down again. It's beautiful, but I remembered that I am taking Emma into the city today to see the butterflies at the Natural History Museum, and I thought about how it will be a pretty slushy trip. Especially because Emma likes to step in snow. And slush.
I went upstairs to get my cup of coffee and to sit on the couch and "be still" for a minute and was careful to be extra quiet because Sebastian's room is next to the family room. I suddenly remembered that he is not here. He is on vacation with Albert until Thursday. It is amazing, but Sebastian has had two homes since he was three years old and still sometimes I forget. It's not that it makes me sad, because I know that he is happy in both homes, but it's just a weird longing that I still feel when he is gone, and I imagine that I will feel this forever. I am sure having two homes is not easy for him, but it is all that he knows. I feel so badly for him when he forgets things in one home or the other because it seems to cause him a lot of frustration, but that seems to be the worst of it. I hope that when he grows up that he doesn't remember that frustration as much as he remembers that both of his parents (and now his two sets of step-parents) love him so much and wanted to make sure the he could have two happy homes instead of one that had a lot of tension. I hope. Not all families have such good relationships with their "ex's", but we do, and I really appreciate that. I hope that Sebastian appreciates it, too.
"I love you, honey, and I miss you a lot. I can't wait until you get back. Have a nice vacation with Daddy, Jen and Cole, and when you get back, Emma and I will tell you all about the butterflies..."