Balance? Mom vs. Summer with her Daughter

Lately I have felt really out of sorts. I feel tired, I feel restless, and overall, in a bad mood. I know that this hot weather is not helping matters, but just a few days ago, I discovered the problem. I have lost my balance. I have zero balance this summer. Why? I have no child care for my soon to be six year old daughter.

I have tried to embrace the fact that Emma is not in any sort of camp and instead we enrolled her in "mommy camp", where she gets to share in the joys of schlepping around with me to work three mornings a week, along with my guitar, big heavy bag, shakers, and sometimes even a parachute, and we get to save a thousand dollars. Then there are my shows. She is dragged around too early in the morning, usually eating breakfast on the way, only to share me with lots and lots of little kids and their grown ups. Not exactly what she would call the best summer of her life. Or would she?

Emma loves to be with me. She is always concerned about where I am and what I am doing and what I am working on on the computer, and is it her turn to "work" on the computer yet? We are attached at the hip. We do everything together, from grocery shopping to laundry to getting pedicures to dressing her new American Girl Doll, we are a team. This is truly a wonderful time in our lives. I should embrace this time. I should rejoice in the beauty of our girlness. And I do. For the most part.

It's that other part that is driving me crazy. The part that can't breathe and needs to walk at a regular pace for five minutes please. The part of me that needs to go to Yoga once a week and to meditate in the mornings and the part of me that needs so badly to just sit in peace and quiet in the evenings and can't stop looking at the clock until Daddy gets home. Dave tries to help me out, but he is focused on his "backyard project" at the moment, and this is what consumes his after work hours...

Last week, I got a break. Albert offered to take Emma and Sebastian to see a movie. It was heaven. I had 2 hours to myself and I got an amazing amount of work done. Then, two nights later, they went and saw another movie. I went to my usual Wednesday night Yoga class without the usual guilt. It was great. The kids came home happy, and I came home refreshed. Tonight, though, really takes the cake. I actually feel as if I am on vacation. Sebastian has a friend over. They have been happily playing Wii for the past 2+ hours (ok, it IS summer vacation after all), and have "allowed" Emma to watch. I have not heard a peep out of her except for the laughs and cries of approval of great gaming, or the occasional cry for food or drink. It's been lovely. It's been heaven. This is the balance I have been looking for! I feel like myself again. If we could just implement this routine every night for the rest of the summer until school starts again...

Can we talk? Lesson on flexibility...

I always have a plan.  I don't like when things get in the way of my plan.  One of the things that I have been trying to work on lately is flexibility.  Being able to actually "go with the flow" without getting frustrated in order to be a better ME. 

Time is always a big one.  I like to be on time for just about everything, and am constantly trying to get things done according to the clock.  Since I have become a mother, I realize that my kids are two of my biggest challenges to this.  They work on a different time clock. One that doesn't often fit into my master plan. 

Here is an example.  My five year old daughter Emma Rose has found that her favorite time to share with me is at bedtime.   I am sure that this is the case in many homes as it is the perfect stall tactic.  It begins when she starts the upward climb into her loft bed.  "So, can we talk?" she asks hopefully.   I look up at her in her loft, glance at the clock, and take a breath.  I start to feel my pulse quicken at the fact that it is already later than I would have liked for her to be heading up to bed, but I am trying to be flexible, so I say...  "Ok, we can talk for about five minutes." "How about ten?"she asks.  "We'll see... just get up there! I am coming up and it is getting very late!"

"So, what do you want to talk about?" I ask after we have completed the straightening of the covers ritual.  "Well, today Gassin hit me on my finger and it hurt a lot and he didn't even say he was sorry!" and so it begins.  This is what I have been waiting for since I picked her up from school.   I have to really remind myself not to "wrap this up" quickly, just because it is late and I am super tired.  I take another breath and we talk back and forth and then before we know it, it really IS late and I am starting to get irritated that she is up so late and I make her promise me that she won't give me a hard time in the morning.  "I promise" she says as I kiss her forehead. 

I compliment myself on not getting too bent out of shape that it got to be so late.  After all, I am so lucky to have these moments in my life with my kids.  What could be more important?

So my new plan is to allow time for these "unexpected" sharing moments.  To plan to be more flexible.  Especially for the moments that are initiated by my kids. Why? Because I don't want to miss out on them just because I don't have the time. 

I am very curious as to how other parents deal with this.  How do other parents deal with  being flexible?